i may or may not be watching the land before time
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
