i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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