I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
