I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
