I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
