almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
