then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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