'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
