Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
