singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
