you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
