im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
