can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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