Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
