Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
