Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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