I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
