i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
