i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
