Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
