Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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