he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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