paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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