My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
