When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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