So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
