friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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