I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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