I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
