Define "chronic" masturbator.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
