i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
