i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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