I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
