True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pants are for mortals
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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