What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
