If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
