Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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