So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
