i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
