You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
