where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
