No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
