UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
