Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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