When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
