put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
