Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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