i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
