life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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