i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
