I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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