dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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