Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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